School Refusal vs. Back-to-School Jitters: How to Know When to Worry

By Maria Perroots 

As summer ends, swimsuits and sunscreen get swapped for bookbags and pencils. For many kids, the start of a new school year brings excitement, anticipation, and—yes—a little anxiety. With such a big change in routine, some nerves are completely normal.

But what if your child’s worries turn into tears, tantrums, or morning battles that make getting out the door feel impossible? When school resistance goes beyond the usual jitters, it may be something deeper—what professionals call school refusal.

Understanding the difference between typical back-to-school nerves and true school refusal is the first step toward getting your child the right support.

What’s “Normal” School Anxiety?

Most children will feel nervous about school at some point. Thankfully, these feelings are usually short-lived, and with support and structure, kids adjust quickly.

Examples of normal school anxiety include:

• Worry about tests or grades

• Nervousness around peers or social situations

• Complaints of stomachaches or headaches, especially on Mondays

• Hesitation after vacations, illness, or at the start of a new year

These nerves usually improve once routines are established. If you’d like to teach your child a coping skill to handle these feelings, check out our [“Ride the Wave of Anxiety” blog post].

When Anxiety Becomes a Red Flag

It’s time to seek extra help if you notice:

• Your child misses multiple days of school due to anxiety

• Struggles to attend happen most days, not just occasionally

• Signs of depression or intense anxiety (withdrawal, sleep problems, irritability, frequent crying)

• Emotional meltdowns or physical complaints when encouraged to attend

• Stress around school is disrupting your entire family’s day-to-day life

What Is School Refusal?

School refusal (sometimes called school avoidance) is different from typical nerves. It’s not about being defiant or lazy—it’s often a sign of overwhelming emotional distress.

Signs of school refusal may include:

• Frequent physical complaints (headaches, nausea) with no medical cause—especially in the mornings

• Meltdowns or panic at the thought of school

• Refusal to get out of bed or leave the house

• Intense worrying or panic attacks about school

• Pleading to stay home and severe distress when pressured to go

School refusal is often connected to anxiety disorders, depression, or trauma. Left unaddressed, it can have long-term effects on learning, friendships, and mental health.

How Parents Can Help

If mornings feel like an emotional battlefield, know that you are not alone. Here are some actionable steps you can take right away:

1. Validate Their Feelings

Let your child know their emotions are real and hard. Avoid dismissing with “You’re fine” or “Just go.” Instead, listen, acknowledge, and model calm self-regulation.

2. Keep a Consistent Routine

Predictability is powerful. Stick to regular bedtimes, morning routines, and mealtimes to give your child structure and stability.

3. Partner With the School

Teachers, counselors, and school psychologists can provide support and accommodations. Don’t hesitate to loop them in.

4. Seek Professional Support

A child therapist can uncover the root of your child’s anxiety and build coping strategies. At Think Happy Live Healthy, our child and adolescent specialists are here to help.

5. Start Small

For children with school refusal, a gradual return plan (short visits, half days) may be needed. A therapist and school staff can help guide this process.

You’re Not Alone

If your child’s school struggles sound more intense than “normal nerves,” it may be school refusal. The good news: with the right support, children can learn to manage their anxiety and return to school successfully.

At Think Happy Live Healthy, we help families navigate school anxiety every day. If you have questions or want guidance tailored to your child, contact us today to get started.