Creating Awareness When Experiencing Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression can take many forms—and often goes unrecognized, especially for new moms. I didn’t know what it was until years later, when I realized I had experienced it myself. Here’s my story and what helped me the second time around.

My First Experience with Postpartum Depression (unbeknownst to me) 

I am a mother of two, and my experience with my firstborn was vastly different from that of my second, born eleven years apart. I was much younger and unaware. In my early 20s, all I wanted to do was go off and have fun, caring for a child was more of a burden than it was embracing the bundle of joy that I received. I loved my son wholeheartedly and I did everything I could to take care of him but that didn’t help. I made a decision to nurse full time and I was very diligent to be consistent with it because I know it is good for mama and baby to bond. I had no idea that there was something called postpartum depression at the time and I felt like I nursed him to my sadness. When my son turned four months he refused to nurse anymore. He would start screaming once he saw the breast coming out. I did not know why he was reacting so strongly against nursing and I struggled with that alone being rejected by my own newborn. My son never went back to nursing from me. Fast forward eleven years to when my daughter was born. I was more mature and I was mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared to receive my second child. I was determined to learn all I need to learn to provide the best care for her. I was drowning in worry because I did not want to be rejected by my own baby again, like I experienced in the past with my son. With my son, I did not have the awareness or the knowledge to ask for help. I didn’t know that my son was a colicky baby and I shouldn’t have given up on nursing him. My son was allergic to all the formula options available so we ended up having to use a prescription formula for him. 

How I prepared Differently The Second Time Around

With my daughter, however, I had a team of nurses at the birthing center who provided support. The birthing center had lactation classes every week for all the new mamas and their newborns to come in and socialize with other moms. If you did not show up one week, a nurse will call and check up on you and encourage you to come, regardless of your excuse that week. I talked to the lactation nurse about my experience with my son. She told me to just keep trying and not give up. It is easier said than done to “not” give up but I was determined to nurse my daughter for as long as I could, especially with my son’s allergic reaction to formula in the past. 

The Role of Education and Support

During my second pregnancy with my daughter, I was very curious about postpartum depression and it led me to find Brooke Shield’s book “Down Came the Rain.” She described her experience with trying to conceive, then her experience with the pregnancy, and then her explicit description of her postpartum depression and her inability to connect with her child because of it. I resonated with her story because that was similar to what happened to me and my son during my first pregnancy. I lost any emotional connection with him and it made me sink deeper into depression. I felt like I was a “bad mom” because I could not connect with my child. The book is an easy read and I could not put it down. There might be better books now about postpartum depression but Brooke Shields inspired me with her story and encouraged me to create an awareness around where I was emotionally. 

When my daughter was born, after being a week delayed I had to be induced when my water broke since I had no contractions. She was born three hours later because the nurse accidentally cranked up the petocin induction. My daughter was a healthy and happy baby. Exactly three days later, I had a sudden feeling that I missed having my baby inside my belly but then I looked at her, she looked at me, and I felt connected with her still. My postpartum depression was almost nonexistent two weeks later. It made me think back to when I had my son, I don’t think it ever left and it affected my connection with my son. I was so young and unaware when I had him, no one around me thought to guide me or help me through it. I struggled with depression for a long time with my son. I believe that affected my connection with him and I don’t know if I am done processing the pain of that depression during that time. 

What I want Other Moms to know

I believe that being diligent about creating awareness and taking the initiative to educate myself about postpartum depression, signs, symptoms, and do’s and don’ts helped me help myself with my daughter. Being proactive asking for help when I needed it and advocating for my health and my baby’s health helped me. 

If you are a new mom and  you are going through something similar, you are not alone-and you are not a bad mom. Creating awareness within you and seeking support made all the difference for me. I hope my story encourages you to trust your instincts, ask for help, and believe that connection is still possible—even if it takes time.

Now I help other moms who feel the way I once did. Through Think Happy Live Healthy, I use evidence-based therapeutic techniques to support women navigating postpartum depression, anxiety, and the emotional challenges of early motherhood. You don’t have to do this alone. There is support, and healing is possible.

If you're a new mom struggling and don’t know where to start, here are a few resources to guide you:

Start here:

• Psychology Today – Find a postpartum therapist near you

• Postpartum Support International (PSI)

• National Maternal Mental Health Hotline

Book resource:

• Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields

If you’re in crisis, please reach out immediately:

• National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-800-944-4773

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): 1-800-944-4773

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988

And if you’re in the Northern Virginia area and looking for support, don’t hesitate to reach out to our team at Think Happy Live Healthy. Help is out there for you and your baby. 

Author:

Sarah Albanawi, Resident in Counseling

Therapist at Think Happy Live Healthy